When your husband has an affair

‘He saw our children as possessions': my husband killed our sons
Contents:
  1. Slate’s Use of Your Data
  2. I've found out my partner is having an affair, what should I do?
  3. Get the latest from TODAY

I denied him again and again.


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I was too exhausted and had enough hands all over me all day. I knew we were broken, but I never thought he would step outside of our marriage. In fact, I would have bet money my husband would never fuck another woman, but he did. And he told me about it one October evening as he sobbed next to me on the sofa.

I threw up, and then called my best friend even though it was midnight. She lives five hours away and told me to hang tight, that she would be there the next day, and she was. I made my husband leave, and she was there to help me keep it together in front of my kids. He said it was a very short fling.

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He had no feelings for her. He just liked feeling needed. There was nothing he could have said to make it right. I have never been curious about the woman who fucked my husband while knowing full well he had a wife and kids at home. He is the one who broke his vows to me. I have never Googled her or asked what she looks like. She is not worth my energy. I only had the energy to be sad for our marriage.

I've found out my partner is having an affair, what should I do?

I only had the energy to care for my children. I only had the energy to worry about myself and how I was going to move forward. Some days, that looked like me hardly speaking and barely functioning.


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I would mutter small words to my children who were 4, 5, and 7 at the time, but that was all I had. I was doing my best. Some days, I had the energy to really dig in and be a fantastic mother, but it was just a distraction. My feelings of anger and resentment of my husband and his infidelity would always resurface.

And he let me.

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He would hang his head in shame, never yell back at me. He scheduled date nights, took me to my favorite restaurants, and never said anything about the amount of money I started to spend on myself to try and fill the deep hole. A void had replaced our happy life.

5 Signs your Partner is Cheating and is having Extra Marital Affair

I told him to go, to walk out that door and be with her. I would be fine. I would make it. I would rather be alone than with someone who felt they had to stay. I deserve more, and so does he. Those were the moments he seemed most hurt, when he seemed the most shocked at himself for what he had done. He said he felt haunted, and I was glad. Very slowly I was able to get behind it, and be all in for our marriage, but honestly, that feeling comes and goes, even now.

We never spoke of it when they were around. Their opinion of their father is sacred to me. They adore him, and I never want them to know. It does not define him and it does not define our marriage. They always side with him and tell me I am being mean to Daddy. Some of these aspects of the rebuilding process can take time and be difficult. Rebuilding trust will take place one little step at a time. If God is a part of the relationship His forgiveness and His grace will be an important part of the healing process.

'Life totally changes'

What if her husband admits to the affair but does not want to break off the relationship with the other woman? This puts his wife in a difficult position. Some may think, not saying anything, being patient and loving while hoping he will break it off, may bring him to that point. It will probably only give him freedom to continue. Sometimes wives panic when they think of what this will mean for them and they turn to an approach of begging, pleading, holding on and even blaming themselves.

These approaches rarely bring the desired results. It becomes important for a wife in such a situation to confront her husband on this issue, but how she does it will make all the difference. This confrontation should only come after spending much time in prayer to make sure her attitude is right. An attitude of love and quiet confidence will gain the respect of her husband.

Such an attitude can only come as she depends on the Lord for strength. She should also seek the help of a mature Christian to support her during this time. Giving him an ultimatum forces him to make a decision resulting in major consequences. A loving but tough confrontation not only will result in the wife respecting herself but will also cause her husband to respect her for how she is handling the situation.

The confidence, inner strength and loving attitude that he will observe in his wife can reawaken the love and respect he once had for her thus making it more likely that it would put him on the path to return to her. There is hope even when a husband has an affair. Hope comes in turning to the Lord. He is a God of second chances and can bring healing and restoration where there is repentance after an affair. God gives strength and confidence when a wife faces the difficult task of confronting her husband.

In Isaiah we read,. God also convicts of sin and can make a husband feel empty and miserable as he continues in his unfaithfulness. Should a husband choose not to turn from his wayward ways, God promises to care for that wife as she trusts in Him. He will open new doors for her, give her wisdom to make the right decision, supply strength for every day and will be her companion in times of loneliness.

Prayer brings God into every situation and when He comes He brings hope. Would you like to know God and have him walking beside you, helping you, as you go through this tough journey? You can begin this personal relationship with God today if you sincerely want Him to give you direction from now on.